Sometimes when I’m alone at work I imagine that I am the mighty Thor
I grab the plastic novelty hammer from the kids’ corner and section off the store into Asgard, Mitgard, and Jotenheim
then, with Mjolnir in hand, I rally my invisible armies and prepare to invade Jotenheim because frost giants
…and this is probably why I’m still single
So about a week ago I thought it would be a cute idea to paint my nails with a Mass Effect theme.
Last night I dreamed I lost 50 followers all at the same time
but somebody had figured out how to send me an eight-part construction-paper love letter (complete with macaroni pictures) through my Ask box so it was totally worth it
My Facebook profile picture has been the dude from Ancient Aliens for so long that sometimes I forget that I don’t actually look like him.
So some douche put a DC mystery ball in the Marvel bin at Wal-Mart, so when I tried to pick a random mystery ball from each bin I wound up with two DC mystery balls instead of one DC and one Marvel
I didn’t think to check in the store because I thought that somebody wouldn’t be dick enough to put the mystery balls back in the wrong bins
I didn’t figure out until I got home and opened both of them that they were both DC mystery balls
now I have two identical Superman mini-figurines sitting on my desk, staring at me
they’re just sitting there, watching me
I’ve never felt so judged in my life
I fucking hate Wal-Mart